May Resolutions

He Said 

May is finally here and the springtime sunshine and warm weather brings me to a point I would like to make that you might appreciate. I hate pollen. It messes up my car, stops up my lungs, and gets tracked in the house. I can’t get away from it. I can’t find one redeeming feature when it comes to pollen.

I know you can’t do anything about it. I just wanted to complain about something and pollen came to mind. I also don’t like slow drivers, cold food or burned food. I guess I could give you a list of all the things I don’t like, but it would be redundant of every other column we have ever written, so I won’t do it.

Let me just say that every day I find more and more things to complain about. Normally I am not a complainer, but my patience with everyday occurrences is growing slim. Do you think it’s because I’m getting older and more cantankerous? If it is, then by the time I’m a hundred, the world won’t be able to stand me.

My May resolution—if there is such a thing—is not to complain so much and to accept the things I cannot change (except for the slow drivers because I can push them out of the way). This summer you will be experiencing the new me and I just wanted to give you a heads up in case you thought you were going to have to spend another dull summer with me complaining all the time.


She Said 

Yippee!!!! A new you….I can hardly wait! Your May resolutions will probably be like your January resolutions, all empty promises.

This is the way I see it. I met you in 1964 and if I remember correctly, you were always complaining about something, even in high school. Of course, the principal complained about you and your shenanigans too. Did I like it then? No more than I like it now. Can I change you now? No more than I could change you then. I just accept you—complaints and all. We all have imperfections, some more than others. It has taken me all these years to learn your peccadilloes, so please don’t add any more to the mix. You are a complex man, not too demanding, but very strong-willed. You like to complain and argue. I can take complaining better than arguing so it’s easier to give in, keep quiet, do what I wanted to in the first place. My philosophy is you are who you are and who you’re always going to be. It’s not my job to change you but accept you for the man you are. How is that for diplomacy?

Seriously, all of your complaints usually are just you venting about something you can’t change, like slow drivers for instance. I just listen to you and pretend you are Prince Charming who just found the golden slipper and you’re trying to explain to me about how you found that shoe. In the next breath, you complain about how big my foot is since the shoe doesn’t fit and here we go again!

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