If Anxiety Were a Superpower

If anxiety were a superpower, I would have already solved the world’s problems before they even occurred. I would have already played out the mass contagion that is the coronavirus in my head years before it existed, and proper measures would’ve been in place to eliminate the spread of it. I would end world hunger after day one, that is… if anxiety were a superpower.

If I had unlimited resources and superhero status, I would have already played out all the worse care scenario situations in my head like a spidey sense. From the first media outlet reporting Corona virus outbreak in China, like some cartoon hero you could’ve seen the lightning bolts coming from my brain while I meticulously thought out every possible end of the world zombie apocalypse situation. A plan (or a project, as I like to call it) would’ve been in place within 12-24 hours.

If anxiety were a superpower, the world would be a much more efficient place. Drive through diaper depots with free espresso would for sure be a thing on every street corner, because why waste time on coffee and diapers? Your local superhero anxiety mom would’ve already considered that she might run out of diapers and coffee at the same time at 10PM on Friday evening. So, your drive through diaper depot would also have Tylenol (maybe mimosas… I ain’t judgey) and it would be open 24 hours. Grocery pickup would’ve been a thing long before the art of internet shopping, all because of the Petri dish that exists on your Walmart cart handle, if anxiety were a superpower.

The world would be a kinder place if anxiety were to be considered a superpower. All the superhero’s would speak kinder to one another because they all secretly know that when anxiety mom and stress supergirl end their casual conversation, they will both go back to their superhero headquarters and replay the 5 minute conversation in their head for the following 4 hours and 37 minutes wondering if they said the right thing or if their laugh was a little too loud when the joke was told. The world would be a kinder place because anxiety and empathy sometimes collide like peanut butter and jelly so… all the feels would be felt… all the time. So, kindness would be the best option in battling the evil of this world.

If anxiety were a superpower, we would celebrate our “different” children a lot more than we would test them. We would allow for open-ended play and more hands-on learning. Standardized testing would be the kryptonite of the miniature superhero’s in training. It would be the one thing that steadily drains their power and sucks up their confidence like a blood sucking leach. Instead, we would celebrate their differences and allow knowledge to be expressed in ways other than with paper and pencil and fill in the bubble route testing. That is, only if anxiety was seen as a superpower.

If anxiety were a superpower, substance abuse would decrease. Instead of telling our adults with bad coping skills that they are dysfunctional, we would send anxiety mom, ocd woman and autism man to tackle a world project and next thing ya know HIV doesn’t exist and world hunger has diminished. Our superheroes would be marvels, not misfits. IF… Anxiety were a superpower!